I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
