roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
