i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
