girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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