So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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