ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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