So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
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my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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