She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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