I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
