I hate your face
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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