Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
