I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
