R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't turn off my feet"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
