Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
