Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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