Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is Oprah even human
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
