If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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