does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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