if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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