So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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