she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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