Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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