**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
