The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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