big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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