break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it was like eating out sand paper
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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