If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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