This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
