just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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