my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
