You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
