You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
