you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
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well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize