Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
