He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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