so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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