I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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