alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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