I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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