Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
