Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
