So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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