every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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