I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
