You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
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And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
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We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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