Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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