Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
