you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
