Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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