he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
