I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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