if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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