I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Houston, we have a squirter
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
