i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
