Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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