Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
