i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
