i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I supernannyed him into submission
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I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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