I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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