matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
They should really pass out barf bags in church
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
