just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
