Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
