i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
