One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Found your dick twin last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
