Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
