and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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